Ima Hopeful Foolish Girl

Even though I am happy to be where I am. I'm happy I've been enlightened to much in the last few weeks. I'm also happy that I feel a constant inner growth through all of life's challenges. I'm sad that this change is only felt by me, and typically only shared with God. How is it, that one person can learn so much and still respond the same way over and over again. Sorta breaks my heart. And I lied about not having regrets, though I didn't realize it at the time. It's because I suck big time at I Corinthians 13:4-13 ; I'm a negative for it all. Paul lists all of what it means to love, and I've not shown a bit of it. Just more reason why I'm so thankful for God's love, His patience when I stumble over and again, His willingness to stand by my side, and repeat the same words over and over again, knowing that I'll always come around, because that's what I do. And I always come around, usually after it's long overdue, due to my need for putting up a grand fight, because he encourages me to, and leads me to. One day ... I will find that love is a great honor and my greatest desire, and not an obligation or done for my own needs. And one day ... I will find someone who will still put up with me every time I forget this, because I will. Someone who will demonstrate "Let go, and let God" while I fight it, and push it away, because it's Truth I need, and will wait by my side for the long time it takes for me to get this. He will put up with much, because I am neither a piece of cake nor an angel, but my undying love and dedication will not be contained within me by any dam known to heaven and earth (especially once I understand the amount and strength of his endurance, patience and love). I just wish all these examples of men handling strong-willed women, weren't in fiction books and movies; not some woman's daydream, but instead a real tangible human being. I can pray, and my hope is oh so very strong.






"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all."

- Emily Dickinson





(I really recommend Sara Groves new CD!)

Love

- Sara Groves



love I made it mine

I made it small I made it blind

I followed hard only to find

it wasn't love

it wasn't love



love of songs and pen

oh love of movie endings

takes out the break

leaves out the bend

misses love



love not of you

love not of me

come hold us up

come set us free

not as we know it

but as it can be



love's reality

is not a passing bravery

it holds out hope beyond what's seen

the hope of love



love not of you

love not of me

come hold us up

come set us free

not as we know it

but as it can be





Fireflies and Songs

- Sara Groves



thirty years ago I was a little girl

riding in the back seat of the car

a woman sang you don't bring me flowers anymore

I felt a sadness in my little heart



we're looking for the music

in the music box

tearing it to pieces

trying to find a song



I was drawn to you in ways I can't explain

we fought like crazy but I couldn't stay away

piled on expectations and lots of blame

like we couldn't do it any other way



we're looking for a firefly

moving through the night

staring at the one place

swear it never lights



were you surprised our hearts were not like ticking clocks

with faces and hands easy to read

we both wished if only in the land of oz

longed for things we'd never really need



now we're standing in the kitchen

all pretense is gone

you kiss me on the shoulder

fireflies and song





It's Me

- Sara Groves



weather came and caught us off our guard

we were just laughing and feelin' alright

had such a great time just last night

we walked into a minefield undetected

you took a tone and I took offense

anger replacing all common sense



oh run for you life

all tenderness is gone

in the blink of an eye

all good will has withdrawn

and we mark out our paces and

stare out from our faces

but baby you and I are gone gone gone



incomprehensible layers of isolation

now your the man with a heart of stone

making me pay here by being alone

seemingly justified righteous indignation

now I'm the woman who holds all her pain

looking for somebody else to blame



we hold all the keys to our undoing

cutting me down in small degrees

you know my worst insecurities

I'm making no effort to understand

no one can hurt you like I can

deep down inside the girl's waking up

she's calling out to the boy she loves



it's me

oh baby it's me

how in the world can tenderness be gone

in the blink of an eye



the girl in me she's callin out

oh the girl in me she's callin out

to the boy in you

to the boy in you



baby come back

baby come back to me

Fresh Start

So today, or actually yesterday, has been a day full of new beginnings, as well as answers.
I met with an adviser at school, and nursing school is only 5 classes away. I cannot wait!! :) Sooo happy! And it looks like I shouldn't have a problem getting in, however I do have one speed bump to go over before applying ... But God is good! And this is where He wants me. I cannot complain.
More answers today as well, but all-in-all, I have no regrets. The beauty of a FRESH start.