Even though I am happy to be where I am. I'm happy I've been enlightened to much in the last few weeks. I'm also happy that I feel a constant inner growth through all of life's challenges. I'm sad that this change is only felt by me, and typically only shared with God. How is it, that one person can learn so much and still respond the same way over and over again. Sorta breaks my heart. And I lied about not having regrets, though I didn't realize it at the time. It's because I suck big time at I Corinthians 13:4-13 ; I'm a negative for it all. Paul lists all of what it means to love, and I've not shown a bit of it. Just more reason why I'm so thankful for God's love, His patience when I stumble over and again, His willingness to stand by my side, and repeat the same words over and over again, knowing that I'll always come around, because that's what I do. And I always come around, usually after it's long overdue, due to my need for putting up a grand fight, because he encourages me to, and leads me to. One day ... I will find that love is a great honor and my greatest desire, and not an obligation or done for my own needs. And one day ... I will find someone who will still put up with me every time I forget this, because I will. Someone who will demonstrate "Let go, and let God" while I fight it, and push it away, because it's Truth I need, and will wait by my side for the long time it takes for me to get this. He will put up with much, because I am neither a piece of cake nor an angel, but my undying love and dedication will not be contained within me by any dam known to heaven and earth (especially once I understand the amount and strength of his endurance, patience and love). I just wish all these examples of men handling strong-willed women, weren't in fiction books and movies; not some woman's daydream, but instead a real tangible human being. I can pray, and my hope is oh so very strong.
"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all."
- Emily Dickinson
(I really recommend Sara Groves new CD!)
Love
- Sara Groves
love I made it mine
I made it small I made it blind
I followed hard only to find
it wasn't love
it wasn't love
love of songs and pen
oh love of movie endings
takes out the break
leaves out the bend
misses love
love not of you
love not of me
come hold us up
come set us free
not as we know it
but as it can be
love's reality
is not a passing bravery
it holds out hope beyond what's seen
the hope of love
love not of you
love not of me
come hold us up
come set us free
not as we know it
but as it can be
Fireflies and Songs
- Sara Groves
thirty years ago I was a little girl
riding in the back seat of the car
a woman sang you don't bring me flowers anymore
I felt a sadness in my little heart
we're looking for the music
in the music box
tearing it to pieces
trying to find a song
I was drawn to you in ways I can't explain
we fought like crazy but I couldn't stay away
piled on expectations and lots of blame
like we couldn't do it any other way
we're looking for a firefly
moving through the night
staring at the one place
swear it never lights
were you surprised our hearts were not like ticking clocks
with faces and hands easy to read
we both wished if only in the land of oz
longed for things we'd never really need
now we're standing in the kitchen
all pretense is gone
you kiss me on the shoulder
fireflies and song
It's Me
- Sara Groves
weather came and caught us off our guard
we were just laughing and feelin' alright
had such a great time just last night
we walked into a minefield undetected
you took a tone and I took offense
anger replacing all common sense
oh run for you life
all tenderness is gone
in the blink of an eye
all good will has withdrawn
and we mark out our paces and
stare out from our faces
but baby you and I are gone gone gone
incomprehensible layers of isolation
now your the man with a heart of stone
making me pay here by being alone
seemingly justified righteous indignation
now I'm the woman who holds all her pain
looking for somebody else to blame
we hold all the keys to our undoing
cutting me down in small degrees
you know my worst insecurities
I'm making no effort to understand
no one can hurt you like I can
deep down inside the girl's waking up
she's calling out to the boy she loves
it's me
oh baby it's me
how in the world can tenderness be gone
in the blink of an eye
the girl in me she's callin out
oh the girl in me she's callin out
to the boy in you
to the boy in you
baby come back
baby come back to me
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